Today I had the day off work because I had to go to north van to see a doctor about my back. The back is fine, and on the way back I was accosted by a retard on the sea bus. As he sat down to me I contemplated my luck in being the only person on the sea bus sitting in close enough proximity to the retard to have a conversation.
What time is it? 2:30
What Time? 2:30
How many hours until 5 o clock? 2 and a half
How many? 2 and a half
What about 5:30? What about it?
How many hours until then? 3
So in 3 hours it’ll be 5:30? yes
He had a watch. Analog
It was at this point that I had the brief feeling that maybe our conversation was coming to an end. Maybe I would be able to sit in peace for the next 8 minutes of my life… This was not the case.
Our conversation continued ordinarily enough with talking about the weather. He asked what I thought of the day. I told him it was very nice. He said it would be a good day to go to graville Island. Then we talked about bus routes and modes of transit for a while. He guided the conversation, as you would expect.
Then the topic of swimming was brought up. Now it was a warm day, so swimming didn’t sound half bad, and my doctor had just said that swimming could really help my back. The idea of swimming was nice. The retard asked if I would take a swim when I got home, and I said ‘Maybe I will’. I do not have a swimming pool in my tiny apartment, nor do I live near a swimming pool. The idea of swimming seemed good, and I wanted to believe that I could take a swim when I got home.
He asked me, “Do you take your shirt off to go swimming?”. Shirtless swimming is the standard, so I replied “yes.”. This made him quite happy. Really Happy. Too happy…
I realized fairly quickly that the idea of me with my shirt off aroused him a good bit. He took on a new demeanor. A crotch rubbing demeanor. I was fairly certain that he was forming a chub that very moment. In the following moments, as he placed his hands in his pants, my suspicion was confirmed. He was stroking. Had I been flirting? Was I giving out signals?
“After swimming, do you take a shower?”
No
Really?
No
I began to lie. Faster and better than ever before. All of a sudden I wore the same shirt every day, never took it off, didn’t know had to swim, and preferred to clean myself by jumping into a tyrannosaurus rexes mouth… the one place a retard won’t follow you. And I lied all the way to the other side of the water. This guy was trying to get off to a shirtless, showering mental image of kyle bottom. I had to block him. Until we were within throwing distance of the terminal, he asked me what time it was one more time then said his farewell. I took the opportunity to move to the other side of the seabus.
On the way out of the terminal I saw him pause at the bottom of the escalator, which meant I arrived there to a friendly greeting. I made sure we got on different escalators and finished our talks for the day as I walk up and away from him on my side.
What time is it? 2:40
I can help you get home. I think I got it figured out
You gonna take sky train or bus? I’ll flip a coin.
Sky Train is faster…
I was far enough ahead at that point that I just let it drop. I wound up taking skytrain if you’re curious.
I told this story to my friends. Some wondered why I would sit there and allow myself to be in this situation. My friend kate on the other hand took a closer look at the situation and saw that I was sitting in between some old ladies and a dude with a baby. According to her I took one for the team. I guess you could say that. I was doing my beset to diffuse the situation, lest it get worse. Retards don’t usually have the stamina for a full wank, but if they can actually pop one off you better run. Tard Cum evaporates instantly upon hitting the earths atmosphere. Inhaling these clouds of cum vapor can cause you to buy an SUV, vote conservative, have a mustache, or a she-mullet. The list is endless. I was trying to save the day by uninspiring his boner, but at the same time, it was really nice to know that there’s still someone out there who wants to see me with my shirt off.